René Roberts

It’s only natural that I start off my blog with a rant. Those who know me will agree when I say that I am very opinionated. Some might even say I’m arrogant, but I’m not stupid, those people have been deleted from my friends list already, so they won’t read this blog or comment. I surround myself with people who like me. Or at least ones I can manipulate easily enough. This is after all Survival of the Bluntest. So let’s be blunt.

I’ll let you in on my pet hate. Whether you like it or not.

I absolutely hate it when people sing your (unwarranted) praises when you pass on. How do these people expect others to take them seriously? Moreover, how do they live with themselves? Should someone that was, by nobody’s standards, morally honourable or kind, be eulogized as the best thing since sliced toast?

I get it. He was the captain of a national football team. That’s fine, you can say that. Yes, he was a somewhat accomplished player. Well, that’s debatable. I’ll leave that up to someone who actually likes and understands the game of football in South Africa. That might constitute a whole five percent of the population. Let them argue that fact. He was murdered in a botched robbery. Another fact.

Well, yes, we live in a country where 47 people are murdered each day. Does our police force call up a special task team to investigate all 47 murders? Do they offer a R 150 000 reward for any information that will lead to an arrest? Sadly, no. Can you say double standard Mr President?

This is a privilege they reserve for the despicable. They can do that kind of thing for an adulterer. They do that for the kind of man who betrays his wife as well as his girlfriend by lying to the both of them. The kind of man that goes back and forth between two women for over a year. They do that for a man who causes his wife to be assaulted by his girlfriend, because he is everything BUT a man.

Do you know what R 150 000 is in South Africa? Well, with R 150 000 you can cover the monthly allowance for a single pensioner in this country for 9 whole years. Alternatively you could feed 60 000 hungry children for a day. Or one hungry child for 60 000 days. But we don’t like wasting money on trivial things in South Africa.

You’ll read reports about him being such a wonderful religious man. A man who used to call up his family and have them all join him in prayer before a football match. Yes, he deserved the Nobel  prize.

Well, this is me giving you permission to speak frankly. Be blunt. When I die of a freaking heart attack, brought on by hypocritical boot-lickers most probably, be honest.

Tell people the truth. I assume the four people who’ll pitch for my funeral, will be four people who knew me. Don’t blow smoke up my cremated ass. Tell them I was okay. Tell them I could be a saint to certain people in certain situations, but that I could bring out the devil in most. Tell them that the beast we call PMS had me gripped in its clutches until the very end and I could be found foaming at the mouth from time to time. Tell them I despised people with no integrity. Tell them that if I decided that I didn’t like you, I could avoid you like Ebola. Tell them I was passionate and outspoken. But tell them that I was honest. I was blunt.