René Roberts

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. A leopard can’t change its spots. Old habits die hard. Not so?

I say not. Nothing in life gives me greater pleasure than to disprove. I love having the shock factor up my sleeve and I’ve been known to use it. It’s pretty much all I have going for me. That and I’m dating the best thing since sliced bread.

If you haven’t seen me in six years (I don’t blame you firstly, sometimes I don’t even want to see me so I cover up all mirrors around the house) chances are that you wouldn’t recognise me. Sure, I’ve picked up at least the weight of two toddlers, but that’s not all. It’s like an infomercial. But wait, there’s more.

This was a day in my life six years ago :

I wake up at a quarter to six because that’s a good time to wake up. I rush to the bathroom before anyone else can. Heaven forbid someone other than my family sees me before I’ve washed my hair. With Tresemme. Getting dressed is a breeze because we all know I’ll be wearing blue jeans and a t-shirt. No shoes revealing my feet. Sneakers. No shorts. Ever.

Breakfast is even easier. I have Weetbix for breakfast because that’s what I have for breakfast. Every day. I brush my teeth with Aquafresh because that’s my toothpaste. If it’s a Saturday and we’re going out, it will be to Lakeside Mall. I will have the chicken schnitzel with mushroom sauce at Spur. I will drink a Coke with it. I don’t scan the menu because I know what I want. I browse the isles in CNA and buy books I’ll never read and music I’ll never listen to.

Man, I was a keeper. No idea why I was single for so long.

Enter : the best thing since sliced bread.

I have a terrible short-term memory. If my life depended on it, I could not tell you what I wore yesterday. Movies and books are no different. I’ve watched Taken like four times now and every time I was convinced I was watching it for the first time. Life is awesome like this man. Every single thrill, I get to relive it countless times.

Meet Joe Black was a movie I did watch a few times. On purpose. I love Claire Forlani and I totally just watched it to stare at her oh so kissable wide mouth. However, this one William Parish quote was burned into my soul like a cow being branded. He spoke to his oh so hot daughter about the topic of love and her relationship with her loser fiancé. This is what he said :

There’s not an ounce of excitement. Not a whisper of a thrill. This relationship has all the passion of a pair of tit mice. I want you to get swept away out there. I want you to levitate. I want you to sing with rapture and dance like a Dervish.

I know it’s a cornball thing, but love is passion. Obsession. Someone you can’t live without. I say fall head over heels. Find someone you can love like crazy, and who’ll love you the same way back. How do you find ’em? Well, you forget your head and you listen to your heart. I’m not hearing any heart. Because the truth is, honey, there’s no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love, well, you haven’t lived a life at all. But you have to try, because if you haven’t tried, you haven’t lived.

Be deliriously happy or at least leave yourself open to be.  You never know, lightning could strike.

 

My lightning only came at the age of 27.

Singing with rapture and dancing like a Dervish is to realize an entire new world has been bared to you. That one person opens a door and on the other side you see this sparkly universe. You step over the threshold with your hand wrapped in theirs and you take a leisurely stroll. Your senses are heightened and your skin tingles as you explore the depths of possibility. You discover parts of yourself that you never knew existed.

All of a sudden you don’t really want to have Weetbix or chicken schnitzels or Aquafresh or Tresemme. You kind of like the freedom of wearing flip-flops and shorts for a change and roughing it some mornings are not all bad. You do away with ritual and break the chain of habit because you’re born again. You get to experience sight, sound , taste and feeling as if for the first time. You learn to stop trying to capture moments on film at the cost of living in the moment. Every meal becomes a feast and every outing an adventure. Quiet moments of reading together outshines any other occasion.

This entire process is completely involuntary and it’s almost like getting wrinkles. You hardly notice until that one supposedly true friend points it out. My mother likes being that person in my life.

She knows that Charese turned my life upside down and she openly praises her for it. She took me by the feet and upended me, like chucking all the old crap out of a handbag.  See how I slotted a straight concept into my blog for you Sam? You’re welcome.

I’m afraid that the new me is not really less of an opinionated asshole.

I’m a happier asshole. I have this unshakable belief that I am enough. That I have enough. I refuse to wallow and despair. I’m optimistic and grateful and I don’t know how to give up anymore.

Yes, William Parish, I’m deliriously happy.

Lightning struck.