René Roberts

I have a tendency to self mutilate. I had a terrible case of it this morning while waking up. I convinced myself that it was Saturday and I didn’t have to get up for work. But reality soon smacked me in the face so I crawled out and took a shower. I got dressed and made my better half a cup of coffee, because I’m the girlfriend of the century. We argued about what she would pack me for lunch. She still feels that I should weigh in on this decision. I’d much rather have her stuff whatever she wants me to eat into my bag and send me off. I’m not ready for such heavy decision-making this early. Getting myself dressed and feeding our cat is about all I can handle. It’s my routine.

I got in my car and headed to the highway with a constant stream of thoughts running through my mind. It went something like this :

1) Fuck I’m getting really fat

2) I miss the days when nothing protruded from the waistband of my jeans

3) Mmmm I’m looking forward to that carrot cake I’m having for breakfast

4) Those poor poor people who were caught in the crossfire in the mall yesterday

5) Wonder if we’ll have electricity tonight and if this load shedding will simply become the norm

6) This shirt is too tight

7) How lucky am I to get flowers and my favourite chocolates just because

8) Charese is the best thing that could ever happen to me

9) I wonder how many shirts I actually have that still fit?

10) I hate taxi drivers

11) With a passion

12) I wonder how long I’ll be left in suspense with those damn publishers

13) Man, I should have packed those chocolates for lunch

14) Wow, I never realized that I used to listen to and love so many hits from the 80’s

15) Is this dick really trying to cut in front of me?

16) I’ll simply accelerate you asshole, we can play this game all morning

17) Can’t touch this dumdurudum, Can’t touch this

18) Oh wow! Really? Is that a sunflower? On the highway?

This is where I’d like to stop for now. I won’t let you in on the rest. No innocent human being should be subjected to that kind of torture, strolling through the dark recesses of my mind. They shouldn’t punish murderers and thieves. They should tie them to chairs and make them listen to my train of thoughts. That should be enough of a deterrent. If we want to step it up a bit we can switch between my thoughts and a Jurie Els album? See how it goes? Back to the sunflower.

A sunflower. On the highway. Just one solitary sunflower. In the middle of nowhere, springing up from a crack in the tar. How did that happen?

If we allow it, we’ll be swallowed by routine. If we let our guard down we will be consumed by monotony. Which will be a shame as we live in such a diverse and exciting country. Yes, we do stand a chance of being trapped in crossfire while grocery shopping. Sure, we might have to plan trivial things like preparing meals and washing schedules around Eskom and their (in)capabilities. We have the world’s worst taxi drivers and potholes resembling watering holes in the Kruger Park.

We also have sunflowers along the way. Taking care of itself. Simply waving as we rush past to nowhere in particular. Sometimes the sunflowers make way for the Cosmos flowers, something else we hardly notice. Did you know that nobody actually planted that Cosmos next to the highway? Cosmos was introduced via contaminated horsefeed that we imported from Argentina during the Anglo-Boer war. True story.

So the war gave us Cosmos. Beauty can indeed be found in the strangest of places.

But only if you look for it.

Look for it.

I defy you.