René Roberts

So the sun set 365 times and left a brand new year on our doorstep, wrapped up tight in a blanket. Now, you can count on people looking back at 2014. It’s natural to reflect back on that which led up to a new beginning. I’m either really fortunate or really forgetful. Because looking back, I only remember highlights.

I remember moving into our first owned house and the tremendous feeling of accomplishment when we stepped over that threshold for the first time. I remember family and friends sharing in the joy, helping us plant a beautiful garden that we now cherish with all our hearts. I remember so many special occasions shared with both our families. I remember even making the normal day- to- day get togethers special occasions. It’s what we do. We love the good things in life. Music, art, food, books, and pets we treat like our children. Food. Yeah, I know it’s in there twice. We love it that much.

I remember making a lifelong dream come true when I started my debut novel. Nothing made me prouder than typing that final sentence. It’s not something that can be described by words. The word intoxicating comes to mind though. I ended 2014 on a high, surrounded by those I love dearly, with my novel submitted for review, and our house becoming a home.

Now, you can also count on people making resolutions. I think without putting too much thinking into it, I can list the top ten resolutions. I’m that good. Here goes:

1) To lose weight

2) To stop smoking

3) To finally divorce that asshole/cow

4) To finally resign from your job (brought on by yet another asshole/cow)

5) To get married or engaged to that man or woman you haven’t realised is an asshole or a cow (yet)

Now, you are more than welcome to go through my list and find yours. It’s there. I know it. Let me tell you something about new-year resolutions. They don’t work. Period.

Why don’t they work? Because if you had to wait 365 days to come to make your pivotal decision, it’s not important enough to you. Simple.

What you’re doing now, is setting yourself up to fail, which will lead to you never making that pivotal decision because you now believe it’s unattainable. Simple fact of life: if you believe that there’s a good chance of you failing, you’re probably right. So you might as well go out for that very greasy, fattening dinner with your asshole of a husband, and light up a cigarette while you’re at it. Complain to that miserable cow of a wife of yours about your dead end job all night.

Me? I don’t do resolutions. I do what I did last year. It seemed to work last year, didn’t it?

I eat my rump steak with loads of mushroom sauce, I lay on the potatoes in every shape or form it can possibly be served, I read every book I can lay my hands on, I drink my cola tonic and lemonade, I buy those Puma shirts and Levi sneakers, I try every restaurant and every chocolate. Overindulging is who I am. How do I balance it all out?

My gratitude weighs exactly as much as my overindulgence. It’s all about the perfect balancing act. I’m fully aware at all times of how blessed I am. I don’t forget to look around me and I try to help where I can.

It doesn’t help for shit with my weight.

But hey, who wants to be skinny when they can be fulfilled?